The King of Weapons

                                     The King of Weapons

An older, yet powerfully-built man clad in red and black armor walks over to a weapons rack and picks up a long, jagged-edged spear.

                                             General

Well old friend, you and I will be in another savage fight to the death come tomorrow. Didn't think I'd see combat again in my lifetime, especially with all this "generals don't fight because they're needed in the capital" bullshit! I mean, don't get me wrong, I like being alive as much as the next sentient being, but I'm getting sick of those fat, obnoxious, over-privileged elitist gasbags anyway. That's why I'm leading the royal guard on a campaign to exterminate the barbarian horde before they cross the border. It's sad but true that old rich men start wars and young poor men fight them, but not me! This grizzled old coot fights and dies alongside the soldiers he commands.

Twirls spear, making circles both horizontally and vertically before thrusting it forwards.

Still got it ay! But I never doubted you, at least not since I was a recruit. Growing up, everyone wanted to be a swordsman. Most great heroes were swordsmen, and most legendary weapons were swords. But once you're out on the battlefield, it's swords as far as the eye can see, and once you start fighting you'll learn that swordsmen are overrated anyway. I know that some of the greatest warriors of all time were swordsmen, but most of them'll just run up to you like idiots and get skewered before they can even take a swing at you. The ones with their long sweaty hair flowing in the wind are the worst. Not only do they care more about looking heroic than being effective fighters, but they take forever to die as well! Instead of simply falling down and dieing, they go into this swooning motion while clutching their hearts, whether they've been stabbed there or not They're supposed to be warriors, not ballet dancers! ... Fucking pansies.

Performs parrying motion with spear, thrusts it forward, and repeats several times while continuing to talk.

And don't get me started on axes! You're much deadlier than axes. Axes, maces, hammers, morning stars, they've got power, yeah, but precision or accuracy, no. Most of the big, stupid clowns who use them couldn't hit anybody wearing less than thirty pounds of armor anyway! Strength is good, but you need more than just strength to be a good warrior. With you in my hands, I've killed many axe-wielders ... a lot of them two ... three times bigger than I am, but they still drop like flies when facing an expert spearman. And it's not like fighting them is all that hard either, with most of them just running up to you hacking away like an angry toddler throwing a hissy fit. And I'd actually be afraid of them if there was some finesse to their hacking. They're fierce of course, but slow, and awkward, and you can see them getting ready to attack from a mile away! Most of them are like hurh ... hurh ... (swings butt end of spear like a battle axe in slow motion) hurh ... Die wimp! Hurh ... hurh ... How many pieces you wanna be in! Hurh ... hurh ... hurh ... So yeah, swords are overrated, heavy de-brainers are slow and predictable ... halberds have many different uses, but they're really just spear wannabes so fuck 'em ... bows are useful, I'll admit that, but most bowmen aren't very tough. If you can get through a barrage of arrows, then most archers will run like frightened deer the second you get within stabbing range. I've stuck with you since the beginning my friend, and I'll die with you at my side.

Twirls spear, thrusts forward with butt end, grips front end near spearhead and thrusts it backwards several times like a dagger.

Sword!(Thrust!) Hammer!(Thrust) Mace!(thrust) Halberd!(thrust) Battle axe!(thrust) All fall before the spear, the king of weapons! With a spear in your hands, you strike with the speed of a serpent, and the strength of a bull elephant! You're my only fang, and come tomorrow, you'll slake your thirst with barbarian blood.

Places spear back on weapons rack, and blows out candle